Continue reading »]]> Sadly, what is done is done and there is no way to take back the past.  With that being said, you discover your partner or spouse has been cheating so how in the world are you going to get through this?  You may hear or read many different approaches to take first on how to survive infidelity, but these are the basic ones you should be sure to consider:

1. Cutting All Contact – First and foremost, before anything can even start to get better is to make sure your partner/spouse has cut all ties with the other person they have been having an affair with.  And if you need to know what ALL ties are specifically, this means he or she does not have the other person's phone number, email, or any type of contact which could prove to be a problem if they work together, but this is necessary.  If your partner/spouse really, truly wants an honest second chance at making it work, he or she should be more than willing to put the other person behind and be eager to put forth all the effort they can to make it right.  If not, you may need to ask the question to yourself and him or her whether they really love you and still want to be with you.
2. Ask Questions – If you are the victim, it is normal to question your partner frequently and daily to assure your mind and help rebuild the trust so feel free to do so, but be prepared to hear some things you may not want to hear so think before you ask.  If you are the cheater, then expect and welcome the questions to help make your partner feel more secure.  It is the least you can do at this point, again again, if you are serious about wanting to be with them you will do just about whatever it takes to make them feel like they can trust you again.
3. Getting Closer Again – If you want to be close to one another again then the main thing to do is communication.  You will not get far if you both continue keeping your distance from one another daily and not talk things through.  You must be willing to listen to one another's feelings, especially if you are the cheater.  If you are the victim, no reason can explain why he or she had the affair and you can get caught up on this thought for forever, but instead try to except his or her apology and guilt and then make your decision if he or she deserves your trust again or not.
4. Talk With Someone – When you feel like you need to talk with someone else about your feelings then this is great and perfectly normal.  Actually, talking with a good friend or family member can help assure you that affair has nothing to do with you or is not your fault.  There is no excuse for anyone to put someone through the pain of surviving infidelity, but sometimes talking with close relative or friends still helps reassure the thought.
5. Freeing Up Personal Boundaries – If and when you start talking about things the both of you need to practice in the future, one thing is opening up.  This means to be open to things you may have not been so open about in the past like letting eatch other look through each other's phones and records, going through each other's emails, giving each other your passwords to accounts, etc.  This shows you have nothing to hide especially if you are the cheater.  If you are the cheater and you do not want to do this, then tough luck. You will and are not going to gain your spouses trust again without letting them in on everything you do.

If you are needing more help on how to survive infidelity then we would suggest getting professional help through a counselor or through a program like offered here at this site that will give you all the steps and advice you need in getting over an affair.

Continue reading »]]> When people get married, it is a promise to love through the "thick and thin" and this definitely means to be faithful for the entire marriage. Sadly, half of these people do not keep these promises and they wind up screwing all of that up by cheating.  And what is even more sad is the promise of marriage has almost became a joke in today's times so people do not even feel all that too guilty for having an affair.

First, if you suspect your partner or spouse of having an affair then this is not good whether they are or they are not.  The reason is because you already have mistrust issues and this will have to be taken care of eventually or the relationship will never work in the long run.  Though, if you do trust your relationship or partner and all of a sudden you start getting this weird feeling because they have been acting differently or have been doing things differently, then your suspicion could be very true.  If you truly trust your partner, then you know how they have always acted or the things they do, so this is normally very easy to pinpoint.

So, if the latter suspicions begin to overwhelm you, then it is time to setlle this for good and either relieve yourself of the worry or prove your suspicion was right. The only way to do that is to catch them.

Ways to prove your spouse or partner is having an affair:

Probably, the best and easiest way to catch a cheating spouse is to plan a trip on your own so that your spouse will think you are going to be gone for a long time ( a couple to few days).  This will set the trigger off in his or her mind to actually be excited that they are going to get to be with the other woman or man.  Normally, this is all it takes to easily catch them because you are, of courese, not really going to leave town, but instead spy on your spouse while he or she thinks you are gone.  Again, this is not recommended unless you are just miserable and are almost certain that they are having an affair because if you do this and he or she is not actually cheating on you then you are going to look like the psycho, insecure, interrogating spouse.  And you do not want to be that person because this can also cause the relationship to go south fast.  So, with that said, this is not simply something you do on a hunch.  This is something you do to prove once and for all that your spouse is a lying cheater.

Another way is to spy on your spouse by placing recording devices in places where he is on the phone daily such as in the care or in his or her office at work.  Technology has come a long way and you can actually find recording devices that are small and are not at all expensive.  The key here is to make super sure it is hidden very well or again you will look like the pyscho, untrusting spouse.

Speaking of technology there is another way with the widespread use of GPS devices.  Now, you can buy small GPS tracking devices that you could easily put on or in his or her vehicle to see where they go every day.

Lastly, you could hire someone or a detective which could prove to be costly, but definitely works if they are well qualified.

These are some of the most common, easy ways to catch a cheating spouse, but again these should be used as last measures because getting involved with even your spouse's privacy can prove to be a devasting matter in itself if you were to get caught trying to catch them.  So, always think about the consequences because the whole great idea of spying on them could turn out being a tragic mistake.  Remember, we only advise taking these measures as a last resort.

If your spouse has indeed cheated on you and you are looking for helpful information about getting over an affair then check out the Surviving an Affair site homepage

Continue reading »]]> You've been cheated on. You feel like your entire world is crashing down before your eyes. The one person you trusted more than anyone in the world has betrayed you. You must learn how to survive an affair if you would like any chance at salvaging your marriage. Let's look at the main reasons why people cheat.

1. Lack of Appreciation. If your spouse feels unappreciated and unwanted he or she is likely to seek appreciation from someone else. This is very common among married couples who have been together for many years. The fire burns out and the relationship becomes difficult. As humans, we seek attention and appreciation from our significant others. If that need for appreciation is not fulfilled by our spouse, we will have urges to find it from other people.

If this is the reason that your spouse gave for cheating, you cannot blame yourself. Relationships take work and effort. After the honeymoon stage wears off it can become very difficult to maintain a happy marriage. There is no excuse for cheating. However, if you want to keep the relationship alive, then you need to accept that it happened. If your spouse came to you about the affair and swears it was a one-time event, then you can learn how to survive an affair. If you caught your spouse cheating, it will be nearly impossible to ever trust him or her again.

2. Lack of Sex. Let's face it, sex is very important to the health of a relationship. It's our duty to ensure that our lover is happy and satisfied. It is more common for men to cheat than women when it comes to a lack of sex. If you don't feel the urge to have sex with your significant other, then there is a serious problem with your relationship.

If this is the reason you were cheated on, your relationship can be salvaged. Men, in particular, have sexual needs that need to be fulfilled. If he cheated on you simply for sex, then there may not have been a romantic connection other than sex. It will take many years to regain any trust for him, but it can be done. You will both have to work on your sex life and decide if it's worth attempting to salvage your marriage. You will never learn to survive an affair if you do not have a happy sex life together.

3. Falling In Love With Someone Else. This is very common among women and men that work long hours away from home. When you are spending several hours per day with other people, you often form relationships. Many times you will compare your spouse with someone at work that you develop a relationship with. You will begin to see things in that person that your spouse doesn't have. You will start to have urges to see this person outside of work. You will want this person to make up for the things your spouse doesn't provide.

There is really nothing you can do to save your marriage is your spouse has fallen in love with someone else. There will be no trust. You will always wonder if he or she really loves you.

The only way to survive an affair is to accept that it happened and try to move on. You can forgive, but you must never forget.

Continue reading »]]> Infidelity is a realistic part of many marriages and this undesirable behavior contributes to the rise of divorce and separation. Nearly half of all marriages will eventually end in divorce and as many as 60% of all married couples will endure some type of infidelity that will be committed by one or both spouses. These statistics reveal that many married couples will experience at least one instance of infidelity throughout the course of their union. Infidelity is no small matter but it's not such a big issue that it cannot be overcome. In order to alleviate the effects of infidelity a couple must be willing to work together to resolve this problem.

Forgiveness is a crucial aspect for any couple that wants to know how to survive infidelity. A spouse who does not extend this form of mercy to a cheating mate is going to destroy their marriage. When a person forgives another human being they are not saying that they shouldn't be held accountable for their actions. They simply are no longer keeping records and hold grudges about past wrongs. A forgiving spouse allows their marriage partner to feel the shame, the hurt and the pain that they have caused but they don't constantly bring the matter of infidelity up every time they get into an argument. They also don't use their spouses past mistakes as a form of control or manipulation. This initial step is hard and it might take some time work through it depending on how bad a particular person was hurt. Ultimately, a married person should realize that they took on their partner for better or worse, through good times and bad. This is why they're called vows and sometimes it just gets very hard to stick with them.

Another important thing that a person should know about how to survive infidelity has to do with accountability. The offending spouse has to recognize that their behavior was or is wrong once their partner finds out about their offense. Spouses who will not accept responsibility for this mistake and then try to correct their behavior so that it doesn't happen again is harming their marriage and the well being of their partner. Marriage partners have to be able to trust one another and they must feel secure about the person that they are supposed to be permanently united with. A marriage partner that doesn't want to be held responsible for their mistakes will probably cause the other person to give up on their marriage. Another unwanted reaction to this type of uncaring behavior is when the offended spouse goes out and cheats because they feel there is really no point with being exclusive to their partner.

Counseling is another important aspect about how to get over an affair. Couples who have experienced this situation can receive counseling in order to keep their marriages in tact. Couples should also be willing to give each other time to heal and to change. The cheating spouse should be given time to be able to change their behavior and to work on the things that led them to cheat in the first place. The wounded spouse should be given time to heal and to trust again. Surviving infidelity is no easy matter but if spouses are willing to work through the damage and cease the adulterous behavior they can continue on with their partner with a renewed commitment.

Continue reading »]]> In order to restore a relationship that has been broken by lies, you are going to have to start over and rebuild the trust.  Worrying all the time that your spouse is telling the truth or not can be a waste of your time an energy because at some time or another you have to start trusting him or her again if you want your relationship to work.

When working with people who are going through the trustworthy issues one of the biggest problems the victim has the need to know that their partner, the one that cheated, is actually working towards making a change or is definitely trying to make it work to show that they are sorry for what they done.

Some of the steps you and your partner can take to help with these issues are:

1. Figure Out What is Triggering Your Mistrust Moments.  Think over the past few weeks and thing of some things that he or she has done to either make you feel worse or better.  If you are the cheater then think of how you have been acting lately.  Are you trying to gain your partner's trust back?  A good example is if you were coming home late when it all happened.  Are you still doing this or are you now coming home in a timely manner or at least calling to let him or her know where you are?

2. Be Around More.  If you are the cheater, then think of ways you can simply be around your partner more.  This helps them with trust issues and helps with security.  If you can't be physically present then make an effort to call them more during the day just so they know you are thinking of them and they know where you are and what you are doing.

3. Remove One Of These Triggering Issues.  Figure out what has been bothering you the most whether you are the victim or the cheater and work on discussing a way to take that issue away so it is no longer a worry.  For example it may be like step 2 where you just need to make yourself more available to your partner or it may be you need to stay in touch more during the day.  This all varies with different couples of course.

Now, if you are the cheater and you don't like the idea of having to "check-in" all the time as if you are the daughter or son checking in with your parents then your attitude is going to be negative and this is not going to help at all.  This will alter the healing of the trust between you and your partner.  If you truly want your partner to trust you again then you have to prove it right?  This shows them that you are trying and you are taking your marriage seriously which is important.

Being available to your partner in a relationship is something that is covered in greater detail in the Infidelity in Marriage program you can find on this site.  One of the biggest problems  couples have of getting through is normally finding the trust again.  This can take quite some time.  You both will be going through a process of growing because you basically have to start over.  This is not something that you can just cover in an article then apply it and everything will be better.  It is a dedicated day by day process and thankfully the Infidelity In Marriage program has helped millions with their relationships so now they can be happier than they ever knew they could be.

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Continue reading »]]> How can you make your marriage not only work but stronger after an affair?

Here are 4 different things that you have to have to make your partnership really worthwhile:

1. All The Love. Why did you get married in the first place?  I hope it was because of love.  What would be the point in being married to someone if you do not love them?  Point being, no marriage is going to work without love.  Love is where it starts and love is what you hold onto and build upon throughout your entire marriage. If you done it because of all the first firey moments and the physical attraction, then you are in it for the wrong reasons.  These things will fade without love.

2. Committed. When you got married didn't you make  a commitment to one another that basically no matter what you would be there for each other always? Marriage is commitment and you both have to be committed to each other to make the relationship keep clicking. If you both are not committed to making it work no matter what (after having an affair) then your relationship will fail or will not heal from the mistakes.

3. Willing To Work. Normally work isn't fun.  Most people sadly do not like to work.  Fixing a relationship is like your normal job in a way besides it is not 9 to 5.  You have to be willing to work to make it work.  Nothing is going to get accomplished in your relationship if you just sit around and try to ignore nothing ever happened. Surviving an Affair is not going to be easy because you are going to have to pay specific attention to detail for a long time.  This is how the healing process works and you regain the trust between one another again. You may get frustrated at times, but sorry, we get frustrated going to work sometimes too right? 

4. The Know-How. Without knowledge of what your goal is or how to make it work you are not going to get very far. If you have all three things listed above, but do not know what you are doing then it is all a waste of time.  You need to get professional help from a counselor or program from something or someone who has had the experience in this area for many years.  The Getting Over An Affair program is a great place to begin if you are searching for something that does really work, but there are many of options out there.

This is simply the basics to everything you need to get your marriage into better than ever shape. The first three are all up to you and your partner.  First you have to both be sure that you have these three.  Noone else can convince you to get the first three.

After you know you both are on board then make sure to find and get the help you both need to make your marriage better than it ever was.  If you are thinking you don't need professional help well think of this.  Did the way you did it before work?   If it did then you wouldn't be in this situation right now right?

Continue reading »]]> How To Protect Your Marriage From A Possible Affair

This can be summed up in two steps.

First, you need to be sensitive to the things that are going on around you and/or in your life which is mainly the people that could possibly cause harm in your marriage.  You are going to have to set some mental boundaries for this.

This also means you are going to have to be honest with yourself  when it comes to deciding whether or not to get involved in a situation.

Doing this is a step that the Surviving An Affair program strongly believes is necessary for maintaining a long-lasting marriage.

Situations you might want to alert yourself  about are:

. Any Kind Of Touching (unless your partner is completely comfortable with it and the person you are touching)
. Personal phone calls, text messages, emails, and other communications
. Going out for coffee or drinks after work

These are only examples of things to watch out for. You should think about what your own experiences are daily and write them down for better memorization.

If such things as these happen then if it your responsibility and your spouses right to know so you should tell them immediately when you get home or after you do something like this.  This means being completely honest and revealing everything to him or her about the situation.

No one said this would be easy, but it is part of having a successful marriage.  This is complete honesty and your partner will appreciate it in the end no matter how mad or hurt he or she may seem when you discuss it with them.  This actually helps build more of a foundation of trust for your marriage to grow on.

The second step is to have a talk with your spouse about the things that specifically bother him or her when you are in contact with the opposite sex. Be sure to make his or her boundaries the same as your own.

A good way to do this is ask simple questions such as, “How do you feel about me hugging him or her when we meet up?” or, “Do you mind us texting each other all the time?”

Going through this process will help both you and your spouse better understand each others feelings and where both of your boundaries need to come together to be a set of rules per say.

Protecting your marriage using steps such as these helps build honesty and trust.  If you are successful, you will learn to appreciate each other more and be more comfortable around one another when you both know you have boundaries that you do not cross.  This shows the love you have for one another and the importance you consider your marriage to be in making sure nothing is going to mess that up.

It might be tough at first, but your marriage will be better than ever knowing you both have 100% complete trust in one another.

Continue reading »]]> First, I'm not saying I am the knower of all relationship problems and actually no one is because when it boils down to it, it is the people in the relationship that make the final decision.  With that said, not all relationships work out as we already know and yes sometimes divorce is the best option, but notice I said sometimes.  Like it or not, divorce usually is the the worst choice according to research.

To put it plainly, research  says you will be no happier by getting a divorce on average and possibly even more unhappy.  If you need more details I will give you an example of one particular study that was done by the University Of Wisconsin.   There were 600 and something couples selected who said they were unhappy with their marriages.  After 5 years, 78% of those couples that got a divorce said they were still just as unhappy or even more unhappy after they divorced.  66% of the couples who chose to stay together said they were happier and now had great marriages.  So who is the winner?   The people who stayed married and this has been proven time and time again on other studies.

So, what is their to learn from this?  Well, first get the idea or dream of relief out of your head if you think divorce is the only answer and will give you happiness. More than likely, you will be just as unhappy or unhappier than you were prior.

Why?  Well, more than likely it is because of all the other things you haven't thought of such as:

• It is not a fast answer.  It is a long emotional road to get divorced.  All the legal matters and getting everything signed takes a while.
• Can you deal with being alone?
• Do you have kids? This is a whole new ball game.  Have you thought about them and their thoughts? Oh yeah, think about child support. And who is going to get custody and who will they stay with most the time or who do they want to stay with?
• Thinking of getting remarried?  Do they have kids too?  If so, now you have to deal with step-children and your children and your step-children's real Mom or Dad that used to be married to your now current spouse. I know confusing right, but it is true
• What about friends you had with your spouse?  Now, all that is more than likely gone.  According to research, most friends that you may have had with your ex-spouse and used to hang out with together will no longer be so-called friends anymore.

Now, am I pressuring you to say no way or no how to divorce?  Heck no!  I'm just stating things everyone should think about when considering it.  In fact, if you are reading this more than likely you are questioning divorce and I can go ahead and tell you if you are questioning it you more than likely shouldn't.  You know why?  Because most people who got a divorce don't question it.  They KNOW it is the ONLY option.  They have already tried everything and are physically and emotionally tired.  They don't look for more help and they sure don't get on the internet and look for advice because they have already tried making their marriage work.

Try to make your marriage work before making such HUGE decisions all based on emotions and without thinking about everything thoroughly.  Get a counselor or professional help such as the many offered online like the how to get over an affair programs offered here on this site.

Continue reading »]]> There are tons of factors that go into deciding whether or not you should leave your partner or stay with him/her.  There is noway that can all be covered here in a short post, but there are definitely some things and questions to ask yourself to think about.

These Questions Are:

Is your partner truly wanting to make it work after being caught?  This is probably the most important question you can ask yourself. If he or she is, then this is a huge must and first step to repairing the broken relationship.
Things to consider when thinking about this question:
o Do you know for sure that your partner has 100% ended the affair?
o Has he or she told you that they are truly sorry and given a heart felt apology?
o Is he or she looking for help such as a counselor or a program like How To Survive An Affair like this site offers?
o Is your partner ready to call it quits or is there a reason they might have cheated just to get out of the relationship??
o Is your partner willing to and ready to be more available such as calling you more and letting you where he or she is more often?
o Have you talked about the affair in any detail at all to him or her? Do you feel like you know 100% of the story now?
o If you knew that your marriage could actually be better than it is now ( and this is possible with this program) are you willing to work to make it work?
o Is all the emotional things that you are going to have to go through to mend your relationship worth it?
o If there were some sort of wish pill you could take that made it all better and you could be happily in love with one another again, would you take it?
o Is there any changes that you would like to see your partner make and if so would he or she be willing to change for you?

Being able to answer these questions (certainly not all the questions) should give you somewhat of an idea of whether or not to stay or go.

Whatever you decide to do, one thing you can be sure of; there is only one person who can make such a big decision and that is you and not noone else. Remember that because you will definitely have friends or family that will probably try to influence your decision. The good news is it doesn’t have to be over. There is not set in stone law that your relationship has to be over because of an affair.

In all truth, there are millions of marriages today that are actually better than they were before after getting some real professional help. Find more help today in the Surviving An Affair program.

Continue reading »]]> The main question most ask is “how can I know for sure that he is cheating?”  Well, there is no definite answer and no definite solution besides catching him/her in the act or overhearing a conversation between them.  Though, there are clues that lead to finding out.

First, what has made you start thinking this way in the first place?  More than likely your partner has been acting funny or different lately.  Ask yourself these questions: Is the communication between you and her/him still there or is it the same?  Is he/her still sharing his personal feelings with you as much?  Is he/her been intimate with you lately?  Has he talked about a new friend of the opposite sex any at all?  Is he or her very aggressive or defensive in nature when you bring it up?  Most cheaters will go to extreme lengths to hide the truth so being aggressive and defensive is a big sign.  If the answers to any of these questions are not good then that is start.

There are more ways to identify if your partner is cheating or not in the Surviving An Affair program.  This program goes in great depth on How To Survive an Affair.

FREE Report: What to Do RIGHT Now After the Affair Get instant access and uncover the 21-most effective steps marriage counselors are using to help their clients survive an affair. Add your name and email below to receive this report and Marriage Sherpa’s FREE email course for surviving the affair. Erase the images from your mind… Rebuild your self-esteem… How to talk about the details… How to find out why it happened… Why you don’t need to forgive… 10 things you must do TODAY… Decide if you should stay or go… First Name Email