Sadly, what is done is done and there is no way to take back the past. With that being said, you discover your partner or spouse has been cheating so how in the world are you going to get through this? You may hear or read many different approaches to take first on how to survive infidelity, but these are the basic ones you should be sure to consider:
- Cutting All Contact – First and foremost, before anything can even start to get better is to make sure your partner/spouse has cut all ties with the other person they have been having an affair with. And if you need to know what ALL ties are specifically, this means he or she does not have the other person's phone number, email, or any type of contact which could prove to be a problem if they work together, but this is necessary. If your partner/spouse really, truly wants an honest second chance at making it work, he or she should be more than willing to put the other person behind and be eager to put forth all the effort they can to make it right. If not, you may need to ask the question to yourself and him or her whether they really love you and still want to be with you.
- Ask Questions – If you are the victim, it is normal to question your partner frequently and daily to assure your mind and help rebuild the trust so feel free to do so, but be prepared to hear some things you may not want to hear so think before you ask. If you are the cheater, then expect and welcome the questions to help make your partner feel more secure. It is the least you can do at this point, again again, if you are serious about wanting to be with them you will do just about whatever it takes to make them feel like they can trust you again.
- Getting Closer Again – If you want to be close to one another again then the main thing to do is communication. You will not get far if you both continue keeping your distance from one another daily and not talk things through. You must be willing to listen to one another's feelings, especially if you are the cheater. If you are the victim, no reason can explain why he or she had the affair and you can get caught up on this thought for forever, but instead try to except his or her apology and guilt and then make your decision if he or she deserves your trust again or not.
- Talk With Someone – When you feel like you need to talk with someone else about your feelings then this is great and perfectly normal. Actually, talking with a good friend or family member can help assure you that affair has nothing to do with you or is not your fault. There is no excuse for anyone to put someone through the pain of surviving infidelity, but sometimes talking with close relative or friends still helps reassure the thought.
- Freeing Up Personal Boundaries – If and when you start talking about things the both of you need to practice in the future, one thing is opening up. This means to be open to things you may have not been so open about in the past like letting eatch other look through each other's phones and records, going through each other's emails, giving each other your passwords to accounts, etc. This shows you have nothing to hide especially if you are the cheater. If you are the cheater and you do not want to do this, then tough luck. You will and are not going to gain your spouses trust again without letting them in on everything you do.
If you are needing more help on how to survive infidelity then we would suggest getting professional help through a counselor or through a program like offered here at this site that will give you all the steps and advice you need in getting over an affair.