In order to restore a relationship that has been broken by lies, you are going to have to start over and rebuild the trust. Worrying all the time that your spouse is telling the truth or not can be a waste of your time an energy because at some time or another you have to start trusting him or her again if you want your relationship to work.
When working with people who are going through the trustworthy issues one of the biggest problems the victim has the need to know that their partner, the one that cheated, is actually working towards making a change or is definitely trying to make it work to show that they are sorry for what they done.
Some of the steps you and your partner can take to help with these issues are:
1. Figure Out What is Triggering Your Mistrust Moments. Think over the past few weeks and thing of some things that he or she has done to either make you feel worse or better. If you are the cheater then think of how you have been acting lately. Are you trying to gain your partner's trust back? A good example is if you were coming home late when it all happened. Are you still doing this or are you now coming home in a timely manner or at least calling to let him or her know where you are?
2. Be Around More. If you are the cheater, then think of ways you can simply be around your partner more. This helps them with trust issues and helps with security. If you can't be physically present then make an effort to call them more during the day just so they know you are thinking of them and they know where you are and what you are doing.
3. Remove One Of These Triggering Issues. Figure out what has been bothering you the most whether you are the victim or the cheater and work on discussing a way to take that issue away so it is no longer a worry. For example it may be like step 2 where you just need to make yourself more available to your partner or it may be you need to stay in touch more during the day. This all varies with different couples of course.
Now, if you are the cheater and you don't like the idea of having to "check-in" all the time as if you are the daughter or son checking in with your parents then your attitude is going to be negative and this is not going to help at all. This will alter the healing of the trust between you and your partner. If you truly want your partner to trust you again then you have to prove it right? This shows them that you are trying and you are taking your marriage seriously which is important.
Being available to your partner in a relationship is something that is covered in greater detail in the Infidelity in Marriage program you can find on this site. One of the biggest problems couples have of getting through is normally finding the trust again. This can take quite some time. You both will be going through a process of growing because you basically have to start over. This is not something that you can just cover in an article then apply it and everything will be better. It is a dedicated day by day process and thankfully the Infidelity In Marriage program has helped millions with their relationships so now they can be happier than they ever knew they could be.
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